HMS VICTORY

THE STATE OF THE NATION

Defense Secretary John Healey resigns amid rumour that Kier Strarmer (Imam of the Islamic Republic of Britain) tells him if you want more ships then go to Airfix.

Meanwhile the crews of the 5 Astute class submarines are sent ashore to HMS Davenport to hone up on their knitting and embroidery skills.

Pride of the Navy and Flag ship HMS Prince of Wales breaks down off the coast of Norway, the Captain told we cant afford spare parts so you will have make sail if you want to get back to UK.

Currently Britain only as 2 Advanced type 45 Destroyers serviceable the rest, yes you guessed in dry dock awaiting repair. So the foreign secretary Yvette Blooper orders HMS Pinafore to set sail as soon as the tide turns and head for the Staights Of Hormuz.

HMS Pangender will join the Pinafore as soon as she can. Captain Fellatio Hornblower of the Pangender is rightly proud of the ships compliment of they and them’s whilst ships surgeon Commodore Quentin Fullbottom says we will be the first Warship in Naval history to offer able sea they and them’s sex change operations whilst on operational duty.

Russian President Putin said to be quaking in is boots tonight.

THE BRITISH ARMY

Psychologist’s claim its wrong to shout at recruits and all drill lessons should be accompanied with soft piano music and counselling be made available when a recruit turns right instead of left.