TIME

THE PROBLEM WITH TIME.

Is, it has not started yet!

Disturbing news from CERN claiming that recent discoveries indicate that the Universe may only be two years old has baffled Astro physicists who have asked for ratification of their findings.

Italian Positional Astronomer Antonio Abetti who died in 1928 recently revealed that the positional occulation of minor planets may be disguising the fact that where the earth should be there is nothing. And this occulation when magnified ten to the power of 1 million undoubtably shows that where the universe should be there is nothing.

Aristorchus of Somas as recently as two weeks ago presented the only working heliocentric model of a pre big bang universe that proves without doubt that when the big bang does eventually occur the planet earth will not be part of the evolution of the universe.

“Roughly 13.8 billion will have to pass before we can safely assume that this is the planet earth where I will eventually evolve into something worthwhile” Says Aristochus.

Indian astronomer Aryabhata correctly insinuated that the earth is in an infinite state of solar eclipse and as such cannot be viewed from any given point within the vast regions of space. He also insisted that sidereal rotation was an inference that fixed points such as super massive black holes or stars most certainly were not around when he was practicing astronomy.

Olivia Newton John as no interest what so ever in celestial mechanics or quantum physics so she would much prefer no to be involved, and quite categorically states that she as never met Zoltan Balog.

One day Issac Newton was sat under an apple tree somewhere near Woolsthorpe Hall in Lincoln listening to his favorite recordings of Olivia Newton John when an apple fell on his head but before he could fully understand the full Gravity of the situation his mother called him in for his tea, and the full ramifications of what had just happened were lost in the midst of time. However in later years when Issac became a mathematician and Polymath he was to refer back to that moment in time and on reflection claims that, that was one of the best tea’s his mother had ever made.

Albert Einstein was quite a clever chap, so clever was he that the country he was born in could not understand him. So they sent him off to Germany where they understood him even less. So they gave him some money and sent him off to America where they could not understand him at all. So they gave him lots of money and told him to go somewhere quite and make a bomb that would one day lead to the eventual destruction of mankind.

Coming soon the sky at night

One day in the future Time Travel will be a thing of the past, because one day in the future, the future will be the past. Then what?

Time stops at the event horizon of a black hole. It also started at a singularity that in later years became known as the big bang. Modern day conjecture will one day, maybe come up with an answer to why. Before somebody actually ask’s why !

Once upon a time some one did ask why, but unfortunately an answer was not forthcoming and the universe, space, time and what to have for breakfast were questions that even to this day and beyond remain critically unanswered. Perhaps one day it will all fall into place when some one some where decides yes I will have sugar on my breakfast cereal.

One can try to envisage a past without a future simply by looking to the future with retrospective hindsight. In some ways one should be able to predict future outcomes by engaging in post futuristic predictions of what as already occurred in the future. In a past tense of course.

At some stage in the future you will be able to get to where you want be before you actually set off. The only problem with travelling at the speed of light would be that of inadvertently crashing into your self before you have set off. Space time curvature is a menace. Especially to those who want to get to where they are going without actually leaving where they are.

The speed of light is not the only universal constant. Train spotters for example are another one, god knows why because I don’t. But the 3.35 from Exeter as just arrived 30 minutes late at platform one. Perhaps there in lies your constant.

Paradoxes in time travel are a problem, that is to say they will be a problem when eventually time travel is invented. In so much as I would readily point out paradoxes in time travel were a problem, will have been and very likely will be when one inadvertently becomes your own great grandad.