We live in a society where by and large we tend to vote for a political party that as honed to perfection the ability to tell the truth even though what they are telling you is a lie!
Latest News on the Clacton By Election The three main candidates up for election.
Nigel Farage’ Count Bin Face and Zebedee (formerly star on the magic round about) will vie for the leader ship of Clacton council in the forthcoming Clacton By Eection.
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Andy Burnham denies claims that he would make dueling legal again if he gets into power. But one thing he would consider would be to use the over 95s as replacement traffic cones.
Ed Davey claims that if he gets into power he would make illegal entry into the country legal. Offer them jobs free housing and cars it then takes away the crime.
David Lammy insists that closing prisons is the right way to control early release for prisoners who are illegible. Take away custodial sentences and you take away the risk of letting a murderer or rapist out to early.
Meanwhile Kemi Badenoch denies everything, including the fact that she is alive and enjoys hot baths.
Nigel Farage as recently been seen collecting empty pop bottles to generate extra income. “Just trying to make an honest living” He says.
Zak Polanski still retains the adage that a missive is a saying that proverbially means just exactly everything that it is supposed to means. He also states that part of his Manifesto pledge would be to classify Robin Red breasts as pests and as such be eradicated.
Yvette Cooper still blames seagulls for all the Govt problems.
It as also been leaked that if the Greens do make it to number 10 then the first item on his own personal agenda would be to offer free breast enlargement surgery to all men over the age of 18. Stating that men should not feel ashamed of having 42 DD wobbling under their T shirts. Any woman that felt the need to have a willy would be offered free transplants on the NHS. This way a person can avoid confusion by becoming a non binary gender fluid person of dual sexuality. In the same way men could have a tuppence and not feel they are missing out or being discriminated against by only having one set of genitalia.
In an attempt to gain more support and get more people voting for them at the next election the green party announce it is to give free motor cycle up to 750cc to the over 95s.
Reaction of the Labour Party when told another 38 million illegal/on the run/terrorists/criminals/ just arrived in a rubber dingy
Never ask a Labour party politician if he is enjoying the good weather. Because if you do there is an extreme likely hood that he will find the nearest toilet and tip a bucket of water over his head and tell every one it’s raining outside.
Rachael Reeves denies being told by PM Kier Starmer that her head would fall off if she ever told the truth. Kier Starmer plays down the fact that he briefed all Labour party members of Parliament “If any member of this party tells the truth their heads would immediately fall off”
David Lammy categorically denies that his head fell off 6 months ago, whilst Yvette Cooper is still trying to find hers. Claims from the Green party that Diane Abbott has borrowed an head from the Jabberwocky are so far unproven.
Kemi Badenoch “Now we know why this party are running around like headless chickens”
The Green party refuse to rule out euthanizing the over 95s if they ever got into Govt. In a recent interview with the President of Columbia the Green Party leader stated ” Its a question of economics why waste money on giving free motorcycle lessons to the over 95s when its become quite clear that there is a major shortage of good quality garden fertilizers. Not only that it would be of no use to home made bomb makers” Meanwhile whilst visiting the green party constituency of Denton and Gorton he made clear in a statement to the Governors of the Bank of England that if interest rates were not kept catastrophically high he would ban hot air ballooning in the UK.
Kier Starmer “The big bang would have never happened under a Labour Govt”
Kier Starmer today put the blame fairly and squarely on the Tory Govt for what happened 13.8 billion years ago. The big bang is the fault of tory economic policies and lack of positive fiscal management. “It just would not have happened if we were in Govt” Sir Keir Starmer today at PMs questions.
Politicians say what they mean without actually meaning what they say.
” It as become apparent to the Labour Govt that the people of the UK find inner city seagulls a far more important issue than that of illegal entry into the country” Yvette Cooper
Rachael Reeves, the black hole at the centre of our galaxy is the fault of the conservative party and because of this we need 30 billion pounds to put it right. THE LABOUR PARTY
POLITICS UK THE STORY SO FAR.
Politicians have a problem with the truth. In hindsight its better to have retrospectively voted for a candidate whose truthful intent as not yet been overbrushed with a malignantly untruthful agenda, that almost hypnotises a voter into electing a party whose convoluted and somewhat dystopian views bear about as much truthful intent as Adolf Hitler.
We can envisage a future of utopian wonder when we become embroiled in the political agender of pre election manifesto pledges. Its only when duly elected do the real issues of political intrigue show themselves as nought but a false indication of what truthful falsehoods can inflict upon a bemused electorate.
For example
One day Yvette Cooper went and bought herself a packet of mini cheddar’s. Cos as she readily admits she was feeling slightly peckish. Of course she denied it. But what did she deny, buying the snack or denying the fact that she was feeling slightly peckish. Denial of actuality and truth is a predetermining factor for anyone who has aspirations of a life in politics. Especially in the Labour party.
For example
Neville Chamberlain once said peace in our times, about a month later the second world war started.
For example
The tory 1922 committee was formed in April 1923.
Politicians lie because if they tell the truth its because they have not been born yet.
In a recent interview with the Bangladeshi Times Rachael Reeves states the problems of inner city seagulls is far more pressing and problematic than current illegal immigration. For every boat that arrives on our coast, for every illegal/terrorist/criminal/sex offender/ that arrives on our beaches I promise to stop one seagull from entering our inner cities. This is what the country wants this is what the British people crave a city free from the menace of seagulls.,
Politicians lie, because if they told the truth they would be unemployed.
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Politicians only get where they are because they don’t know where they are going. They are incapable of telling the truth. They are however capable of telling untruths that when mixed with an irrelevant cross party rhetoric that has been imbued with a sense of false innuendo spoken with a vocabulary that is about as clear as oral dysentery, which then leaves the people who voted for them with a clear sense of achievement in having voted for the wrong party.
Politicians cannot speak under water irrespective of what they would have you believe, they do however have this unerring ability to tell lies without taking a breath.
THE AARDVARKSKETTLE 