BURNHAMS BRITAIN
New justice minister Alex Norris will put forward his plans regarding the early release of prisoners. Also closure of all UK prisons will be high on his agenda stating that this is the way forward its the right thing to do and we must forgive and forget all past misdemeanors.
He will put forward plans that will facilitate an early release for all people who are currently undergoing a period of incarceration at his majesties pleasure. Under the new scheme prisoners irrespective of crimes committed or length of sentence will be allowed immediate early release if they promise and cross their hearts and hope to die that they will not re offend.
Andy Burnham also states that one of the most pressing issues that currently needs fixing is the menace of sea gulls in the inner cities. Towns and villages throughout the UK are facing invasion by increasing and uncontrollable numbers of seagulls and promises just like the problem of illegal immigration we will sort it out and put right what the last Tory Govt could not do.
Who’s in who’s out?
Angela Raynor gets position of housing secretary and immediately promises to help first time buyers to navigate the winding rivers of tax avoidance.
Yvette Cooper appointed new health secretary promises to rid the inner city area’s of seagulls.
Ed Silliband as taken up the role of foreign secretary and promises we will have Brits on the moon by 2030 and the first asylum processing center’s will be running not long after.
Rachael Reeves sacked as chancellor declines the offer of minister for model railways.
Wes Streeting given job of defense secretary denies plotting against Burnham in a bid to become PM.
David Lammy off to take up his new role.
David Lammy offered brand new government position of nodding dog.
Andy Burnham to give tax relief for model railway enthusiast’s and promises to take Britain to infinity and beyond, whilst building a model railway layout on the top floor of No 10. By 2032 we will have a fleet of triple decker buses operating though all Cities in the UK and promises 10p journeys anywhere anytime in Great Britain.
THE AARDVARKSKETTLE 