THE LABOUR PARTY

A leaked govt document was today handed over to the parliamentary watchdog which claims to state that the Labour Govt will, if the next election does not go well will be willing to form a coalition with the Guyanese National Independent Party to ensure that the Labour Party remain in Govt.

Saphier Husain Subedar the leader of the Guyanese NIP remains sceptical stating in a recent party political broadcast on Guyana TV That he only works with winners.

The Chancellor Rachael Reeves announces 30 billion pound black hole and insists that raising taxes is the only way to stop the imminent collision. Kier Starmer gives the go ahead for plan to replace traffic cones with the over 95s and says “It makes good fiscal sense”

Meanwhile Yvette Cooper calls for Britons to rekindle the Dunkirk spirit by bringing 20 million illegal immigrants home who are currently stranded on French beaches.

David Lammy reveals plans to release all prisoners with more that 6 months left to serve. Thus saving the embarrassment of mistakenly releasing them back into a life of crime.

In a bid to kick start the economy and help fill in a financial black hole Rachael Reeves set to announce plans to replace traffic cones with the over 95s. It will save millions in manufacturing costs and help free up beds in the NHS. A leaked document clearly written by the chancellor refers to the poorer elements of UK society as a den of Tax avoiding miscreants, and with this in mind is set to introduce the poor tax. By which the Govt hope to reclaim millions of pounds worth of back tax by increased taxation of less well off. But insists that increasing benefits for those who really do not want to work is the way forward.

Sensible manifesto pledges to be banned by the Labour Party.

In a recent interview with the Bangladeshi Times Yvette Cooper states the problems of inner city seagulls is far more pressing and problematic than current illegal immigration. For every boat that arrives on our coast, for every illegal/terrorist/criminal/sex offender/ that arrives on our beaches I promise to stop one seagull from entering our inner cities.This is what the country wants this is what the British people crave a city free from the menace of seagulls.

Angela Raynor admits to owning another 15 houses which she claims fell off the back of a wagon. Her legal advisors say its ok to keep them as long as she declares a non declarable admission of domicile dwelling and does not pay any form of non profitability tax, which she can claim back through the HMRC back tax housing allowances for politicians.

To help relieve pressure on the NHS, Yvette Cooper sanctions the introduction of DIY home surgery kits. With these self-explanatory and easy to use home operation packs basic surgery such as the removal of appendix or tonsills can now be performed in the comfort of your own home. we intend on saving 140 million pounds annually.

THEY AND THEM TO GET THE VOTE

Just as it is right for they and them to have the vote it is just as important that we recognise right for a woman to have a willy. Or indeed a man to have a tuppence. In some cases it should be accepted as normal for some one to have both.

With this in mind the Labour party will now introduce Trans Pan Non Specific Binary Gender Neutral terminologies to identify those who wish to be identified as being non identifiable nonpeople. With or without gender identifiable genitalia.

One day Yvette Cooper just like the rest of the Labour Party will realise that they do have a reflection when they look into a mirror. And what they see looking back is really them. So it is pointless trying to deny it.

Apparently Angela Raynor once had a bath, which she categorically denies.

There is an insidious almost dangerous menace from sea gulls, and the Secretary of State Yvette Cooper also recognises this and promises to ban sea gulls from inland Britain. In a recent statement to Der Spiegel, the secretary of state said” Well if we cannot control the amount of people entering the country illegally then it goes without saying that to appease the people of Britain we need to promise drastic action. So with this in mind all seagulls will be banned from flying in towns and Cities across the UK that are more than 5 miles from the nearest coastline” We intend to show the world we mean business and will invest 20% of GDP on installing anti sea gull defences Nationwide. Donald Trump praises the courage and political astuteness of the current Labour Govt as Britain gets to grips with the problem of seagulls.

Trying to understand the Labour Party Financial plans for future taxation is like trying to understand why you cannot commit suicide whilst trying shoot yourself with an empty pistol.